Have you noticed that society is increasingly intolerant? A disturbing article in the August 6, 2010 New York Times reported on the campaign by the Dutch political leader, Geert Wilders to ban the Koran and impose a tax on head scarves. Does this remind anyone else of a certain dismal periods of history?
Americans interred Japanese residents. Germany rounded up Jews like cattle. Genocide was committed by the Tutsis against the Hutus in Rwanda. Scores of Muslims were killed by Serbs in Bosnia. The Shiites hate the Sunni. Now, we have all Westerners, both European and American, against all Muslims. Let's all get on the hate bandwagon!
There is a psychological comfort in the "us" versus "them" attitude. Viewing the world through the us/them lens makes for easy identity of the enemy. Trying to determine those individuals in the 'them' group who don't threaten the goals of 'us' is too hard. Directing vitriol toward an entire group is easy, yet so very dangerous. It lends credence to complaints of oppression and may entice some of 'them,' in this case Muslims, to return intolerance with intolerance, perhaps expressed through violence.
There is an undeniable basis for the conflicts among the Muslim and the Judeo Christian world. Indeed, the campaign of fundamentalist Islam is against Western Civilization. It brutalizes women and children. Peace with Israel is not even in the fundamentalist Muslim playbook. Wilders recognizes that Israel is the victim of fundamentalist Muslim brutality, because Israel serves as an easily bullied symbol of everything Western. However, the mistake lies in failing to understand that being Muslim and acceptance of a Judeo-Christian ethic are not mutually exclusive. Lumping all Muslims together in one big category of evil is overly simplistic and plain wrong. Distinguishing between fundamentalist, radical Islam and the more tolerant among the Muslim community is crucial. There are many peaceful, kind Muslims, even among observant Muslims and they need to come forward so that they can get well-deserved recognition and support.
Society needs to avoid the low road of hatred. Any tax or ban of religious garb, and certainly the ban of the Koran or bible in any country is absolutely unacceptable. Equally unacceptable are any violent attacks against anyone who criticizes either the Western or Muslim communities. As we tell children, use words, not fists, remembering always that words can be a source of healing. Wisdom often comes from the mouths of the simple and Rodney King, the robber who was caught and beaten by Los Angeles Police after a high speed chase, said it best when he posed the question: "Why can't we all just get along?" Even Anne Frank, in her diary, stated her belief that "...all people are basically good."
Friday, August 6, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Parent Trap
Parents constantly make decisions for their children. Making choices that affect someone else's future can be a frightening and intimidating responsibility. One wonders how and whether the choice will effect the child in the long term. Though life experience and educated advisors are helpful guides, it remains burdonsome to resolve murky areas for another person. The right path is often uncertain.
Some decisions are easily made, like providing food, shelter, clothes, medical care and an education. That's easy. The debatable issues, where one decision could be as right or wrong as another, invariably result in frustrating debates. Consider, for example, the decision to put a child on medication for ADHD. Medications carry risks, both known and unknown, but they also hold the promise of permitting a child to function optimally. On the other hand, the drugs don't always make a difference. It is one thing to make a choice for oneself, but quite another to make a decision for another person.
No one has all the answers. Circular debates must eventually yield a decision, and whatever decision is reached has to be accepted as the definitively right answer. Like any good corporate or government leader, being a parent requires inner resolve. In truth, though, the most any parent can do is make a best guess and assume an appearance confidence.
Some decisions are easily made, like providing food, shelter, clothes, medical care and an education. That's easy. The debatable issues, where one decision could be as right or wrong as another, invariably result in frustrating debates. Consider, for example, the decision to put a child on medication for ADHD. Medications carry risks, both known and unknown, but they also hold the promise of permitting a child to function optimally. On the other hand, the drugs don't always make a difference. It is one thing to make a choice for oneself, but quite another to make a decision for another person.
No one has all the answers. Circular debates must eventually yield a decision, and whatever decision is reached has to be accepted as the definitively right answer. Like any good corporate or government leader, being a parent requires inner resolve. In truth, though, the most any parent can do is make a best guess and assume an appearance confidence.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Criminals and Redemption
In The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines chutzpah as the unmitigated gall, best illustrated by the example of a criminal defendant who has killed his mother and father, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. Yesterday's new York Times featured the stories of two criminals who bring chutzpah to new heights. As criminals go, each one of these men was accomplished.
Arthur Williams was 63 years old. He died when he lost control of the car he was driving in a high-speed police chase. At the time of his death, Williams reportedly had at least 134 convictions in the State of New York. He was imprisoned more or less continuously, between 1975 and 2009. The most recent release was granted , Williams suffered from emphysema and diabetes and was undergoing dialysis. He assured the parole board that he would not commit any more crimes, because it would kill him. Williams was married and moved to Alabama with his wife. He borrowed money from the Family Loan Company and made payments in person, but then, he robbed the place. The last spree involved a trip from Alabama to New York. Reconstruction of the trip showed that, prior to robbing a store on Madison Avenue, Williams had been in the vicinity of his childhood home in Hamilton Heights, New York, where his mother, aged 92, still lives. A dutiful son visiting his mom, perhaps?
Colton Harris-Moore is 19 years old. He gained renown as 'the barefoot bandit.' In comparison to Mr. Williams, Harris-Moore was incredibly sophisticated. In addition to robbing houses, Harris-Moore is accused of having stolen GPS navigation systems, laptop computers and airplanes. Harris-Moore, a 9th grade drop-out, was apprehended in the Bahamas on a stolen motor boat. Harris-Moore had spent two years on the run after an escape from a juvenile half-way house. One wonders at the contribution of his upbringing to this scenario. A sign outside the road leading to his mother's trailer says "Notice, if you go past this sign you will be shot." Neighbors reported that Pam Kohler, Harris-Moore's mother, does, in fact, shoot. Though neighbors reported that Harris-Moore continually sought parental substitutes he nonetheless stayed in continual contact with his mother while a fugitive. Mother and son were reported to have been in contact over the past two years, and the mother encouraged her son to go to a country that didn't have an extradition treaty with the United States. Just like a teen to disregard his mother's instruction.
Though they are both criminals, Williams and Harris-Moore are very different. Williams seems more of a lost soul. His mother is said to have remembered her son as a man who served G-d. Harris-Moore, on the other-hand, is a young man who was not served by our system. Child Protective services was involved with the family when Harris-Moore was a child. Redemption was obviously never possible for Williams. He threatened victims, but never hurt anyone. Perhaps he was essentially well meaning but addicted to something beyond his control. Harris-Moore is clearly brilliant and misguided. Hopefully the system will offer him a means toward redemption so that he can become a productive member of society. Clearly, he has the capacity. The example set by his mother, however, provides support for an argument in favor of requiring potential parents to become licensed before they produce a child.
Arthur Williams was 63 years old. He died when he lost control of the car he was driving in a high-speed police chase. At the time of his death, Williams reportedly had at least 134 convictions in the State of New York. He was imprisoned more or less continuously, between 1975 and 2009. The most recent release was granted , Williams suffered from emphysema and diabetes and was undergoing dialysis. He assured the parole board that he would not commit any more crimes, because it would kill him. Williams was married and moved to Alabama with his wife. He borrowed money from the Family Loan Company and made payments in person, but then, he robbed the place. The last spree involved a trip from Alabama to New York. Reconstruction of the trip showed that, prior to robbing a store on Madison Avenue, Williams had been in the vicinity of his childhood home in Hamilton Heights, New York, where his mother, aged 92, still lives. A dutiful son visiting his mom, perhaps?
Colton Harris-Moore is 19 years old. He gained renown as 'the barefoot bandit.' In comparison to Mr. Williams, Harris-Moore was incredibly sophisticated. In addition to robbing houses, Harris-Moore is accused of having stolen GPS navigation systems, laptop computers and airplanes. Harris-Moore, a 9th grade drop-out, was apprehended in the Bahamas on a stolen motor boat. Harris-Moore had spent two years on the run after an escape from a juvenile half-way house. One wonders at the contribution of his upbringing to this scenario. A sign outside the road leading to his mother's trailer says "Notice, if you go past this sign you will be shot." Neighbors reported that Pam Kohler, Harris-Moore's mother, does, in fact, shoot. Though neighbors reported that Harris-Moore continually sought parental substitutes he nonetheless stayed in continual contact with his mother while a fugitive. Mother and son were reported to have been in contact over the past two years, and the mother encouraged her son to go to a country that didn't have an extradition treaty with the United States. Just like a teen to disregard his mother's instruction.
Though they are both criminals, Williams and Harris-Moore are very different. Williams seems more of a lost soul. His mother is said to have remembered her son as a man who served G-d. Harris-Moore, on the other-hand, is a young man who was not served by our system. Child Protective services was involved with the family when Harris-Moore was a child. Redemption was obviously never possible for Williams. He threatened victims, but never hurt anyone. Perhaps he was essentially well meaning but addicted to something beyond his control. Harris-Moore is clearly brilliant and misguided. Hopefully the system will offer him a means toward redemption so that he can become a productive member of society. Clearly, he has the capacity. The example set by his mother, however, provides support for an argument in favor of requiring potential parents to become licensed before they produce a child.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Do Nothing
At the Equinox Fitness Club in Woodbury, New York, I have been taught the Tabata interval training and the High Intensity Interval Training ("HIIT") methods. Tabata, which was developed and studied by Dr. Izumi Tabata, involves 20 seconds of intense exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest. The intervals are repeated for a total of 8 cycles. Similarly, HIIT involves a 2:1 ratio of work to rest. Both methods have been shown to improve athletic performance and effectively burn fat. More important, though, is the life lesson these methods impart about the importance of recovery.
Kristen Gagne is the Group Fitness Director at the Woodbury Equinox and an instructor. In her classes, Kristen doesn't simply give directions. Instead, she educates. She explains what to do, how to do it and the purpose of the exercise. When using an interval training method, such as Tabata, Kristen constantly harps on the importance of the rest and recovery portion. "DO NOTHING," she shouts to a room of die hard, aggressive people. She tells us that the ability to recover quickly is the best indication of cardiovascular health, that anyone can spike a high heart rate, that we need to rest - blah blah blah -like telling so many teenagers to clean their rooms. Except that she is 100% correct.
Rest and recovery are as essential to well being as any all out effort. My life is a whirl of constant motion, driving here, driving there and then driving here all over again. Last week, though, I stopped. I went to the southwest coast of Bermuda and stayed at The Pompano Beach Club. The hotel optimizes every possible ocean view. From the room, I watched the fishing boats go out in the morning, single file, and solemnly return in the evening. I enjoyed the shallow ocean water. I sat and read a book. I did nothing.
During this vacation - or recovery process - Kristen's admonishments about recovery came to mind. Indeed, recovery can be more difficult than work and the ability to recover is an important skill. Because of a purposeful rest, I attacked my training early on Monday morning with renewed vigor. I have learned to appreciate the all out push, but also to respect the power of recovery.
Kristen Gagne is the Group Fitness Director at the Woodbury Equinox and an instructor. In her classes, Kristen doesn't simply give directions. Instead, she educates. She explains what to do, how to do it and the purpose of the exercise. When using an interval training method, such as Tabata, Kristen constantly harps on the importance of the rest and recovery portion. "DO NOTHING," she shouts to a room of die hard, aggressive people. She tells us that the ability to recover quickly is the best indication of cardiovascular health, that anyone can spike a high heart rate, that we need to rest - blah blah blah -like telling so many teenagers to clean their rooms. Except that she is 100% correct.
Rest and recovery are as essential to well being as any all out effort. My life is a whirl of constant motion, driving here, driving there and then driving here all over again. Last week, though, I stopped. I went to the southwest coast of Bermuda and stayed at The Pompano Beach Club. The hotel optimizes every possible ocean view. From the room, I watched the fishing boats go out in the morning, single file, and solemnly return in the evening. I enjoyed the shallow ocean water. I sat and read a book. I did nothing.
During this vacation - or recovery process - Kristen's admonishments about recovery came to mind. Indeed, recovery can be more difficult than work and the ability to recover is an important skill. Because of a purposeful rest, I attacked my training early on Monday morning with renewed vigor. I have learned to appreciate the all out push, but also to respect the power of recovery.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Mission Too Impossible to be Plausible
By now, everybody knows that 10 people were arrested in the United States as "deep cover agents" for Russia. The spies were ordered to adopt an American lifestyle, and the agents certainly did so with enthusiasm. A young spy proved to be a quick study; he bought a Mercedes. Not just any Mercedes, but an S500 model. Prices for the S class series start in the mid-$80,000 range. Another couple bought a house in Montclair New Jersey. According to the New York Times, messages were coded in invisible ink or "embedded in ordinary-looking images on the Internet," information was passed between operatives at the Forest Hills train station in New York, funds were retrieved during trips to "an undisclosed South American Country." These accusations are so dramatic as to strain credulity.
Clearly, something else is happening here. A 15 year old Montclair resident, Jesse Gugig, told The New York Times that "she couldn't believe the charges." "They couldn't have been spies ... look what she did with the hydrangeas" said the young neighbor of accused spy Cynthia Murphy. This young woman has a valid point. Lack of interest and skill in gardening are well known traits of all spies. After all, the life of any spy is unstable. Espionage necessarily involves extensive travel. Any gardener knows that cultivation requires constant attention. If this case ever goes to trial, the accused spies should consider this defense.
I challenge Jesse Gugig's theory. Instead, my theory is that this was an elaborate publicity stunt by John LeCarre or an up and coming author in the political thriller genre. That, or it was an example of guerilla theater at its best. Will Americans be concerned about threats to our national security? I think not. Rather, most Americans will wonder whether Taylor Lautner will accept the role of the 20 year old who purchased the Mercedes and whether Reese Witherspoon or Scarlet Johanssen will play the gardening spy, Mrs. McCarthy. Do not expect this film to be speedily produced. The courts will need to answer the burning debate over who owns the story. Indeed, life is often stranger than fiction.
Clearly, something else is happening here. A 15 year old Montclair resident, Jesse Gugig, told The New York Times that "she couldn't believe the charges." "They couldn't have been spies ... look what she did with the hydrangeas" said the young neighbor of accused spy Cynthia Murphy. This young woman has a valid point. Lack of interest and skill in gardening are well known traits of all spies. After all, the life of any spy is unstable. Espionage necessarily involves extensive travel. Any gardener knows that cultivation requires constant attention. If this case ever goes to trial, the accused spies should consider this defense.
I challenge Jesse Gugig's theory. Instead, my theory is that this was an elaborate publicity stunt by John LeCarre or an up and coming author in the political thriller genre. That, or it was an example of guerilla theater at its best. Will Americans be concerned about threats to our national security? I think not. Rather, most Americans will wonder whether Taylor Lautner will accept the role of the 20 year old who purchased the Mercedes and whether Reese Witherspoon or Scarlet Johanssen will play the gardening spy, Mrs. McCarthy. Do not expect this film to be speedily produced. The courts will need to answer the burning debate over who owns the story. Indeed, life is often stranger than fiction.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Obsessive Compulsiveness, Explored
I admit to being a perfectionist. Attention to detail was definitely learned from my mother. The lessons she taught about attending to quality and classic design have served me well. She was always impeccably dressed, her home was spotless and beautifully decorated. The word 'casual' had no place in her vocabulary. Putting a jar of ketchup or mayonnaise on the table was anathema to her; condiments were presented in lovely bowls. Always. I have relaxed that standard, but am particular about where I purchase my food and what I consume. Sometimes this is an innocent matter of mere preference, because food is meant to be enjoyed and I want to eat things that I feel taste yummy. Other times, my concern with fat content and calories feels a little compulsive and not a little bit scary.
I also admit to being preoccupied with my physical appearance. Okay, I am concerned about being fat. Again, this is inherited baggage from a mother who wasn't comfortable with her body. She regularly compared herself to other women. Her brother called her 'fatso,' which certainly didn't help either the relationship or mom's self image. I started exercising regularly in my late 20's and never stopped. My daily routine involves vigorous exercise and ingestion of a very healthy diet, which includes a little chocolate or ice cream every day. Most of the time, I feel content with my body. Perhaps I am not perfect, but I am just fine for me.
Perfection is not and cannot be an absolute. Perfection is relative. Absolute perfection cannot be achieved. My desk is a mess and I am okay with that. The rest of my house is beautiful. My husband bought me my favorite chocolate for Mother's day from The Chocolate Lady in Oyster Bay. I started out by eating small tastes of each piece, but realized that I was behaving like someone with an eating disorder. So, I went ahead and ate an entire piece. I enjoyed it. A lot. Nobody can be perfect. We can only be our best possible selves.
POSTSCRIPT:
It was not until I was in the middle of writing this that I realized that today is Mother's Day. My mother, Miriam Rosenblum Spiro, died in 2003. For many years, she lived with Parkinson's disease. Her decline into dementia became apparent in 1992. It was a long, long way down. Mom was a truly gracious lady. Her caregivers called her "Mother Miriam" and told me that mom always thanked them for their help. Ultimately, mom lost the ability to move or speak, but her caregivers made sure that Mother Miriam was always clean and as well-dressed as possible.
The quest for perfection was apparent in the way my mother selected her clothes. Mother chose her clothing like the finest of curators. She had a magical style that was infused into everything she wore. After her death, we cleared out her closets. It was an odd thing to see those clothes as they lay lifeless on her bed, as if their souls had departed. Without Mother Miriam, the spell had been broken. Once again, those clothes reverted to being mere pieces of cloth.
I also admit to being preoccupied with my physical appearance. Okay, I am concerned about being fat. Again, this is inherited baggage from a mother who wasn't comfortable with her body. She regularly compared herself to other women. Her brother called her 'fatso,' which certainly didn't help either the relationship or mom's self image. I started exercising regularly in my late 20's and never stopped. My daily routine involves vigorous exercise and ingestion of a very healthy diet, which includes a little chocolate or ice cream every day. Most of the time, I feel content with my body. Perhaps I am not perfect, but I am just fine for me.
Perfection is not and cannot be an absolute. Perfection is relative. Absolute perfection cannot be achieved. My desk is a mess and I am okay with that. The rest of my house is beautiful. My husband bought me my favorite chocolate for Mother's day from The Chocolate Lady in Oyster Bay. I started out by eating small tastes of each piece, but realized that I was behaving like someone with an eating disorder. So, I went ahead and ate an entire piece. I enjoyed it. A lot. Nobody can be perfect. We can only be our best possible selves.
POSTSCRIPT:
It was not until I was in the middle of writing this that I realized that today is Mother's Day. My mother, Miriam Rosenblum Spiro, died in 2003. For many years, she lived with Parkinson's disease. Her decline into dementia became apparent in 1992. It was a long, long way down. Mom was a truly gracious lady. Her caregivers called her "Mother Miriam" and told me that mom always thanked them for their help. Ultimately, mom lost the ability to move or speak, but her caregivers made sure that Mother Miriam was always clean and as well-dressed as possible.
The quest for perfection was apparent in the way my mother selected her clothes. Mother chose her clothing like the finest of curators. She had a magical style that was infused into everything she wore. After her death, we cleared out her closets. It was an odd thing to see those clothes as they lay lifeless on her bed, as if their souls had departed. Without Mother Miriam, the spell had been broken. Once again, those clothes reverted to being mere pieces of cloth.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Only One in the Room
Several months ago, Wes Moore, the author of "The Other Wes Moore," spoke on the Joan Hamburg radio show on WOR 710. Mr. Moore's book compares his life to that of another man with the identical name and home town. Despite commonalities, the two men have disparate life experiences. Mr. Moore, the author, was graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Johns Hopkins University and received a Masters from Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar. The other Wes Moore was convicted of murder.
During his discussion with Ms. Hamburg, Mr. Moore spoke about his early childhood experience at an elite private school. He discussed how difficult it was to acclimate, unguided, into a totally new culture. While he acknowledged that schools seem more aware of this issue today, he said he would have appreciated a guide who understood his experience. The transition was doubtless difficult for Mr. Moore, and the adults at his new school were probably completely unaware of his confusion. Even if they were aware of his discomfort, they probably wouldn't have had any clue of how to help; it is impossible to completely understand another person's experience unless you have travelled a similar road. All the compassion in the world cannot permit an understanding of the isolation felt in the absence of colleagues with a common cultural background. Experiencing life as an extreme minority, however, provides insight.
My eldest daughter attended a wonderful boarding school in Connecticut. The school was affiliated with the Episcopalian church, but accepted students of all backgrounds and religions, with an intent to encouraged students to retain strong affiliations with their different faiths. Our family is Jewish and the school's Jewish population was well under 10%. Despite heartfelt efforts by the school's staff, there were subtle cultural cues that they couldn't comprehend. After trying to explain the unexplainable, the school asked a Jewish faculty member to help guide the activities of the Jewish children at this school. This was an impressive, commendable effort. For reasons completely unrelated to the cultural issue, my daughter left the school. She started attending our local public high school. Together, my daughter and I noticed that the public high school was utterly lacking in cultural and economic diversity. We also noticed that our awareness of the lack of diversity was reflexive.
Cultural experiences provide a lens through which we view our interactions and color our view of perceived nuances. Two individuals from similar backgrounds will have an unspoken understanding of subtext. Others from differing backgrounds will never perceive, no less understand, that subtext. There are times, though, when those commonalities aren't available. In those circumstances, being 'the only one' can be painful and confusing, but can also be an opportunity to be enlightened.
During his discussion with Ms. Hamburg, Mr. Moore spoke about his early childhood experience at an elite private school. He discussed how difficult it was to acclimate, unguided, into a totally new culture. While he acknowledged that schools seem more aware of this issue today, he said he would have appreciated a guide who understood his experience. The transition was doubtless difficult for Mr. Moore, and the adults at his new school were probably completely unaware of his confusion. Even if they were aware of his discomfort, they probably wouldn't have had any clue of how to help; it is impossible to completely understand another person's experience unless you have travelled a similar road. All the compassion in the world cannot permit an understanding of the isolation felt in the absence of colleagues with a common cultural background. Experiencing life as an extreme minority, however, provides insight.
My eldest daughter attended a wonderful boarding school in Connecticut. The school was affiliated with the Episcopalian church, but accepted students of all backgrounds and religions, with an intent to encouraged students to retain strong affiliations with their different faiths. Our family is Jewish and the school's Jewish population was well under 10%. Despite heartfelt efforts by the school's staff, there were subtle cultural cues that they couldn't comprehend. After trying to explain the unexplainable, the school asked a Jewish faculty member to help guide the activities of the Jewish children at this school. This was an impressive, commendable effort. For reasons completely unrelated to the cultural issue, my daughter left the school. She started attending our local public high school. Together, my daughter and I noticed that the public high school was utterly lacking in cultural and economic diversity. We also noticed that our awareness of the lack of diversity was reflexive.
Cultural experiences provide a lens through which we view our interactions and color our view of perceived nuances. Two individuals from similar backgrounds will have an unspoken understanding of subtext. Others from differing backgrounds will never perceive, no less understand, that subtext. There are times, though, when those commonalities aren't available. In those circumstances, being 'the only one' can be painful and confusing, but can also be an opportunity to be enlightened.
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