Mission Too Impossible to be Plausible

By now, everybody knows that 10 people were arrested in the United States as "deep cover agents" for Russia. The spies were ordered to adopt an American lifestyle, and the agents certainly did so with enthusiasm. A young spy proved to be a quick study; he bought a Mercedes. Not just any Mercedes, but an S500 model. Prices for the S class series start in the mid-$80,000 range. Another couple bought a house in Montclair New Jersey. According to the New York Times, messages were coded in invisible ink or "embedded in ordinary-looking images on the Internet," information was passed between operatives at the Forest Hills train station in New York, funds were retrieved during trips to "an undisclosed South American Country." These accusations are so dramatic as to strain credulity.

Clearly, something else is happening here. A 15 year old Montclair resident, Jesse Gugig, told The New York Times that "she couldn't believe the charges." "They couldn't have been spies ... look what she did with the hydrangeas" said the young neighbor of accused spy Cynthia Murphy. This young woman has a valid point. Lack of interest and skill in gardening are well known traits of all spies. After all, the life of any spy is unstable. Espionage necessarily involves extensive travel. Any gardener knows that cultivation requires constant attention. If this case ever goes to trial, the accused spies should consider this defense.

I challenge Jesse Gugig's theory. Instead, my theory is that this was an elaborate publicity stunt by John LeCarre or an up and coming author in the political thriller genre. That, or it was an example of guerilla theater at its best. Will Americans be concerned about threats to our national security? I think not. Rather, most Americans will wonder whether Taylor Lautner will accept the role of the 20 year old who purchased the Mercedes and whether Reese Witherspoon or Scarlet Johanssen will play the gardening spy, Mrs. McCarthy. Do not expect this film to be speedily produced. The courts will need to answer the burning debate over who owns the story. Indeed, life is often stranger than fiction.