The Only One in the Room

Several months ago, Wes Moore, the author of "The Other Wes Moore," spoke on the Joan Hamburg radio show on WOR 710. Mr. Moore's book compares his life to that of another man with the identical name and home town. Despite commonalities, the two men have disparate life experiences. Mr. Moore, the author, was graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Johns Hopkins University and received a Masters from Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar. The other Wes Moore was convicted of murder.

During his discussion with Ms. Hamburg, Mr. Moore spoke about his early childhood experience at an elite private school. He discussed how difficult it was to acclimate, unguided, into a totally new culture. While he acknowledged that schools seem more aware of this issue today, he said he would have appreciated a guide who understood his experience. The transition was doubtless difficult for Mr. Moore, and the adults at his new school were probably completely unaware of his confusion. Even if they were aware of his discomfort, they probably wouldn't have had any clue of how to help; it is impossible to completely understand another person's experience unless you have travelled a similar road. All the compassion in the world cannot permit an understanding of the isolation felt in the absence of colleagues with a common cultural background. Experiencing life as an extreme minority, however, provides insight.

My eldest daughter attended a wonderful boarding school in Connecticut. The school was affiliated with the Episcopalian church, but accepted students of all backgrounds and religions, with an intent to encouraged students to retain strong affiliations with their different faiths. Our family is Jewish and the school's Jewish population was well under 10%. Despite heartfelt efforts by the school's staff, there were subtle cultural cues that they couldn't comprehend. After trying to explain the unexplainable, the school asked a Jewish faculty member to help guide the activities of the Jewish children at this school. This was an impressive, commendable effort. For reasons completely unrelated to the cultural issue, my daughter left the school. She started attending our local public high school. Together, my daughter and I noticed that the public high school was utterly lacking in cultural and economic diversity. We also noticed that our awareness of the lack of diversity was reflexive.

Cultural experiences provide a lens through which we view our interactions and color our view of perceived nuances. Two individuals from similar backgrounds will have an unspoken understanding of subtext. Others from differing backgrounds will never perceive, no less understand, that subtext. There are times, though, when those commonalities aren't available. In those circumstances, being 'the only one' can be painful and confusing, but can also be an opportunity to be enlightened.