Quitting

My first job out of college was working as a secretary in the subsidiary rights department of MacMillan Publishing Company. MacMillan, a hard copy publisher, auctioned paperback publication rights to other publishers. With my Barnard degree, I had the honor of typing multiple copies of the identical letter to numerous potential bidders. Word processors were in their infancy. I was lucky to have an electric typewriter with automatic whiteout [for those of you who remember white out]. While I was growing up, my father made it quite clear that people who quit anything were depraved losers. On the first day on the job, I went to my father's office at lunchtime. I cried about how miserable I was with this menial position and he told me to quit! I wondered if I had walked into the wrong office.

Dad was right, but yet dad was wrong. Sometimes quitting is a sign of weakness, while at other times it is a sign of strength. It's kind of like cholesterol or fat - not all of it is good, but not all of it is bad. Negative quitting basically means laziness. Abandoning a goal because it requires a little bit of effort is just giving up - like being in a race and slowing down in the last 2 minutes instead of giving one last push. This type of quitter doesn't even want to bother showing up for life and would rather sit around waiting for death.

Deciding to abandon a harmful relationship, be it personal or professional, is a different matter. It is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it is just the opposite. Leaving a relationship or a job is risky. The next job or relationship could be worse - or it could be better. So long as best efforts have been made, abandoning an exercise in futility is entirely reasonable. Quitting bad or destructive habits also falls into this category. This is the 'good' kind of quitting; quitting that leads to positive changes.

Years have passed. I wish I could have had this discussion with my father, but, sadly, he passed away on August 11, 1991. Since that day in 1982, I have learned that sometimes quitting is justified and even admirable. Knowing when to hold 'em and knowing when to fold 'em is a far healthier and fulfilling state of mind.

Idols with Feet of Clay

Our most respected leaders have exhibited remarkable failings. President Clinton's daliances were discussed and kind of brushed off, we were aghast at the indiscretion of former governor Elliot Spitzer and shocked, absolutely shocked by the extra-marital affairs of Tiger Woods, among others. The examples men in positions of public trust who have been dishonorable in their marriages are legion. While the behavior of these men is troublesome to many, many consider adultery to be a private matter that doesn't or shouldn't affect public reputation. Moral lapses also abound in the financial markets.

With wide-eyed amazement, we wonder how mortgages could possibly have been given without credit checks to people who were destined to default. Now, we are surprised to discover that John Paulson had a hedge fund that bet on the likelihood of a multitude of mortgage defaults. The Securities and Exchange Commission is blamed for lack of oversight. People wonder what possibly have gone wrong.

Has anyone ever heard of character? Not to get all prophetic, and I am not predicting the end of society as we know it ... but our idols have feet of clay. Few moral boundaries remain. Many people are embarrassed and uncomfortable judging men who cheat on their wives, but why not? Hello -it's cheating. It stinks and it denotes dishonesty that doubtless carries over into other areas of life. The same character flaws perpetuate the immoral lending practices that took advantage of relatively ignorant borrowers.

The problem with society is that no one can be trusted. Like the marital contract, our society is bound by an ethical contract. When either contract is breached, the relationship fails. The source of the failure is a destruction of trust. Can you name a politician that you actually and truly trust? If you can name one, isn't there some voice in the recesses of your mind telling you to beware? The hallmarks of honesty that engender respect are rarely taught or valued. The time to start modeling ethical behavior is now, and the modeling starts at home. We have to reclaim moral behavior at home and in the commercial sphere in order to reclaim stasis.