Lessons learned from Puffin, the cat

My children were toddlers at play when we heard kittens mewing. That was when we found Puffin, Muffin and their brother. Muffin and the third cat were adopted, but Puffin stuck around. When we tore down our old home and erected a new structure, Puffin lit out for the wild and didn't return for years. Her timing was remarkable; she showed up just when our puppy, KJ, arrived home. She would come and go, but about three years ago, Puffin decided to settle in for good. She would take turns sleeping with the girls and with me and Joe. She had her spot on the couch, and always shared my glass of water in the evening. Generally, if our family went away on vacation and left a pet sitter in charge, Puffin would run away and return only after she was certain we were home. Only Beth Goldin of Whimsical Pet in Huntington, New York [www.whimiscalpet.com], was able to develop a relationship with this kitty.

A few weeks ago, Puffin ran outside as we were leaving for our Columbus Day weekend adventure - see Ode to a Warhorse for the story of our MDX. Ordinarily, this would not have been cause for concern. Among cats, Puffy was of the indoor/outdoor variety and quite capable of fending for herself. However, when she finally showed up at our home on Wednesday, Puffin could barely stand up. In the past week and a half, Puffin was twice hospitalized. After her last stay, she came home and was eating voraciously. Within 12 hours, however, Puffin's hind quarters were paralyzed and fluid gathered in her abdomen.

Just two days ago, the vet and I discussed euthanizing Puffin. The cat was alert and didn't seem uncomfortable. I discussed the decision with my husband and children. No one - especially me - felt comfortable ending our cat's life. She was interacting and affectionate. I am not G-d, and didn't feel that I had the right to decide whether a creature lived or not. Today, however, nature ran its course; Puffin, died comfortably at home this afternoon.

Many say that cats only give you affection in exchange for food, but in these last days, Puffin truly seemed to appreciate the comfort of being held and stroked these past few days. Puffin taught our children about engaging in frank discussions about end-of-life decisions. She taught them that death is a natural part of life, and that permitting someone to die a natural death can be peaceful. Puffin's body was donated to our vet, who will use her body to gain clinical knowledge. There are many things I will miss about our cat, but I can rest easily, knowing that everything passed in a manner ordered by nature.

What's it worth to ya?

As you know, I have started a business offering my services as an editor and writer. I have always enjoyed writing, and get a particular thrill out of helping clients find their voice. But this is truly diffrent than going to work for an existing organization. Rather than walking into a pre-made structure, I define my structure. Most important, though, is that I assign a value to my work, as opposed to someone else telling me how much I will be paid.

It takes a courage to lay it on the line and tell someone, in the first place, that your knowledge and skill have worth. Of course, your first target audience is yourself. If you don't believe that your time and effort have value, how can you possibly ask someone else to pay you for your work? To me, assigning a dollar amount to my talent affirms that I value myself and my intellect. Not that I have conducted a study, but I suspect that women are particularly prone to devaluing themselves. Think of the old Loreal advertisement, where the woman using the product says "because I'm worth it." Interesting. In our society, a woman's worth is measured by what she spends, not by what she earns.

I have encountered other women starting businesses who diminish themselves by saying that their intent is not to make money. In reality, they are afraid to be assertive. When I hear a woman say that making money isn't her driving intent, it makes me want to get up on a pulpit like Jesse Jackson, and shout "No, no, no! Repeat after me, I AM somebody!" Assigning value to your talent and abilities is an important lessons in self-esteem (see my previous post). Recently, I told someone about my venture and a bid I had put on a job. She was astonished by the proposed price. I was equally confident that the price for my work was justified. I know that I can do something that is unique. I hope you believe in your talents, too.

From self-doubt to self-confidence

Have you ever met someone who has no doubt that they are entitled to attaining their dreams - that that they deserve success on their terms? At the Womensphere Global Summit in Manhattan on October 24, 2009, I heard one such woman, Suzy Welch, speak. Ms. Welch is an author and former editor of the Harvard Business Review. Clearly, the key to Ms. Welch's success was absolute confidence. She seems to attack any objective - whether it be financial success or renown - with conviction. Her apparent and unapologetic sense of entitlement isn't a negative. Rather, it is an admirable trait.

I will never forget Michael Jordan's appearance in a 'Stuart Smalley' skit with Al Franken on Saturday Night Live long ago. Franken's character, Stuart Smalley, was a self-help television host, whose practice it was to look at himself in the mirror and utter the mantra "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggonit, people like me!" It was comical to watch Franken's character assure Micheal Jordan that pre-game jitters are normal. Smalley views the world through a warped lens and assumes that everyone suffers from self-doubt. Yet, Michael Jordan shows the audience quiet, unwavering confidence. Honestly, there are times when I have felt much more like Stuart Smalley than like either Michael Jordan or Suzy Welch - in terms of self-esteem, that is.

Low-self esteem is the polar opposite of Ms. Welch's sense of entitlement or Michael Jordan's self asured demeanor. It is an insidious disease that can paralyze and prevent progress. And even if you manage to attain some sort of success, that little bit of self doubt can nag and undermine. How can you clear the low self-esteem cob webs? Accepting that you have an issue is a good first step. Review your positive traits and acheivements. Remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling pride in anything and everything you have done. Then, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggonit, people like me!" It's okay; I won't tell anyone if you don't.